Independent coffee shops, delicatessens, clothing specialists and pubs were at loggerheads today as they quarreled over who had the rights to use previously allocated describing words.
This dictionary turf war began due to a mix up over the use of the word: artisan.
“I’ve been selling artisan bread in my cafe for at least 5 months now,” said Jeremy Piper, owner of Harrogate based eatery Truffle and Pumpkin. “Then I saw blackboards cropping up all over town claiming to sell Artisan coffee. It’s just not right.”
According to a spokesperson at the Oxford Dictionary nobody knows the correct application of the word artisan anymore. “Even we’re struggling with this one,” they added. “The records are unclear about bread and coffee.”
If this artisan debacle is a barometer for future arguments then chief editors of dictionary publishers will be silently hoping that nobody challenges the ownership of the word vintage. This is a hot topic waiting to bubble over as it is equally unclear whether it should be used to describe stinky cheese or old fashioned clothes.
A cheese supplier who wished to remain anonymous stated: “Everyone knows that retro should be used to describe clothing. But these fasionistas come over here taking our words…”
The problem is likely to be further compounded should cheese suppliers start to lay claim to use of the word craft which has of late been used to describe overpriced beer. The argument in some factions is that Kraft cheese slices have been sold in high quantities for decades.
Whether these disagreements escalate further we can only speculate, but industry experts believe that at the current rate of saturation we’ll run out of adjectives in March 2019 at which point we’ll have no choice but to describe all high end products as nice.