In shocking movie news today, JJ Abrams, Director of the latest Star Wars film, has confirmed that Jar Jar Binks will be featuring in it. The Force Unleashed, the 7th film in the epic saga due out in December, is the most anticipated film of the year. But this latest news is going to disappoint the die hard fans of one of cinema’s most beloved franchises.
Jar Jar, a bumbling slapstick character from disappointing prequel The Phantom Menace, has been the subject of internet vitriol since George Lucas’s film was released in 1999. So for Abrams to include him in the new movie is a somewhat surprising revelation.
“He shares my name. How could I possibly leave him out of my movie?” stated Abrams in a press conference. It is a little known fact that JJ stands for Jar Jar and has led movie critics to wonder if that’s what got him the gig in the first place.
“You probably won’t notice him in the film as he’ll be in costume as a Storm Trooper,” continued JJ.
“Isn’t he a little tall to be a Storm Trooper?” I asked in a twist on dialogue from a New Hope.
“Well, he’s CGI and fictional so we can do what the hell we want!” exclaimed the director seemingly oblivious.
Abrams then went on to reveal that Ewoks would be playing Chewbacca by standing on each other’s shoulders, the main bad guy is called Darth Yoga and the “force” mentioned in the title of the movie is actually the police force.
“It’s a remake of Police Academy 7,” he revealed. “Making the 7th film in a franchise is a pretty daunting prospect so I used the only 7th movie I could think of as my inspiration.”
JJ objected to any suggestion of plagarism however.
“It’s totally different! This is a mission to Tatooine not a mission to Moscow! That’s why I’ve replaced John Williams with pop group Tatu as the composers of the soundtrack. It will provide an artistic connection between the source material and the reimagining.”
This finally explains why he has been spotted in book shops changing spellings of the desert planet from the original Star Wars movie to Tatuine using Tippex and a biro.
He refused to confirm that he wrote the plot of Lost in grade school despite admitting “the ending was all a dream.”