What’s The Deal With Europe? A Novel
Chapter 23 – IT’S WRONG FOR EUROPE
March already, the year was certainly rattling on by. The daffodils were up, the sun was showing its face bit by biand we likewise were freshening up. Taurus had recently been getting down with the kids…WORD! I’m talking about in the big ol’ US of A. From sea to shining sea and everything aluminum, jagwar, diaper difference in between; Taurus had been on their first mini-tour of America! The guys had taken their next bite of the big apple and set off in the direction of the windy city. How better to freshen up by being funky and fly across the Atlantic?
My lasting impressions from the tour were that I really liked small town America. In Britain we’re so used to everything being so tightly packed and compressed and everyone being on everyone’s toes all the time, that to be somewhere where you have to drive a considerable distance to get to the next conurbation is quite novel. Plus, you get the wide open roads and there’s not all the traffic. You can’t get from A to B in this country without getting stuck in traffic.
But whilst over their, enjoying performing at various colleges and clubs, news reached Taurus that both excited and horrified them in equal measure. The UK’s final six had been announced. The UK’s six possibilities of redemption and triumph had been revealed, and at first glance it didn’t sound good.
The six finalists competing to be the UK representative at Eurovision 2005 in Kiev, Ukraine were…Tricolore, Andy Scott-Lee (brother of Lisa Scott-Lee from Steps), ex-TV talent show participant Javine from Fame Academy, former UK favourite Gina G, and twin icing on the cake Katie Price (better known as glamour model Jordan).
Now we were all pre-judging as we hadn’t heard the songs yet, but we feared that we may have all misjudged things. Was this going to be year that the UK finally did it again? Were Taurus going to end up with Spanish Omelette on their face? We hoped to be proven incorrect.
Back in the UK after the tour promoting Car Wars and the American release of Snapshots: the album, Ashley arranged a gathering at his house to watch Making Your Mind Up and discover who their competition would be.
Continuing the Making Your Mind Up format from the previous year, the voting was conducted in a similar format, with regions of the UK choosing their favourites. There was also the addition of an online jury to decide between the contestants.
Tricolore and Andy Scott-Lee never really stood a chance. The intrigue for us came from whether Gina G could return to Eurovision form and pip the other two favourites. She couldn’t.
All the press had made the most of Javine and Jordan’s rivalry, but Jordan was tossed aside like a banana that’s not fresh enough to eat, but could quite easily be made into a smoothie. And so the public deemed Javine Hylton’s ethnic sounding offering, Touch my Fire, would be the UK representative for this year. The UK had been given a chance; a ray of Balkan-like hope. The fact that her boob popped out during the performance couldn’t have done her votes any harm either.
We were all slightly worried that Sweet Spanish Hunchback would not make the grade. "Forget Song for Europe; we’re wrong for Europe!" exclaimed Patrick.
Robert started to doubt his song-writing credentials. "Spain has gone for a song that is quite simply, not right for Eurovision."
"I feel compelled at this early stage to say already: there’s always 2006," said Ashley in typical style.
Humiliation beckoned on May 21st we feared.